Thanks Sister for reaching out… Often we think that counseling and mentor programs are “sure fire” interventions that will automatically work. At the end of the day, the mentor and or the therapist do not live with you. I hope that you realize that at this point you must make some very “calculated” steps to save your son. First, meet with your son and ask him to write down three things that he needs from you as a parent. After he has completed the assignment you write down three things that you need from your son to maintain a healthy and productive relationship. Once finished it is important that you listen to him explain the things on his list. You will have a chance to read your list to your son as well. It is critical that during this process you help your son understand your role as his mother and the only parent that he can count on at this point in his life. You must explain to him that you hope his father steps up to the plate, but at present you represent the foundation in his life.

Second, explain to your son that at this point his ability to do the things he likes to do are contingent upon the following: his ability to respect you and your rules, his understanding that you are his sole supporter and that you love him enough to structure his life so that he will be successful.

Finally, you will need to develop a point system to make sure that your son understands the importance of earning the privilege to be involved in activities out side of school (video games, movies, talking on the telephone sports etc.).  If the behavior continues, one day while your son is at school come home early and box up all of his toys/videos games etc. Take the box to a neighbors and or relatives house. Leave a written note for you son on his bed letting him know that once he “get himself” together he will slowly earn back his things. As his mother you must set the tone!  We hope this helps.

Thanks, for visiting the Dare To Be King web site!

Thanks for your response: Being a single mother raising to "Black" males in American must not be taken lightly. My advice would be to first immerse yourself in the materials that have be written about raising Black males and the stories that chronicle the challenges which Black males face. We have provide on the Dare To Be King web site a list of Books that we think parents should read! This will provide you with the information and tools to assist you with addressing many of the challenges which your boys will confront (masculinity, racism, dealing with the police, substance abuse,  girls etc.). It is important that you use this material as a guide to raise healthy and successful Black males. These book should also be read by your sons!

Additionally, I would contact the locally police department to inquiry about programs for boys in the area. Often, the "community affairs" division of a local police department should be knowledgeable about mentoring programs, sports programs and other resources.

Finally, it is important that you prepare yourself mentally, physically and spiritually to raise your sons alone. Others may step up and help but the vast majority of the responsibility will be left up to you!!!

Thanks, for visiting the Dare To Be King web site!

Thanks for your response. My first suggestion is to determine what are the reasons why your son does not want to attend school. Often youth find themselves confronted with a range of social and emotional pressures in schools that make them feel uncomfortable. Additionally, it is always important to get male students involved in extra curricular activities (sports, academic/tutoring & clubs) within the school. If these services do not exist check your local civic/community organizations.

Finally, as males get older they need more structure. Often the belief is that as they get older they need less parenting. The older your son gets the more vices he will encounter! Set limits, create boundaries and love your son!

Thanks, for visiting the Dare To Be King web site!

Thanks for your response! First we need to begin to determine why your son is carrying a knife to school. Has he been threaten by other students? Is he being bullied by other youth on the way to school? These are some of the important questions that must be answered.

Second,  many teachers and administrators in school systems throughout this nation are unable to address many of the complex challenges that affect youth. As a parent it is essential that you monitor the interaction between your son and his teachers. If you and your son feel uncomfortable with his interactions with his teachers since his arrest, schedule an appoint with his teacher and the school principal.  It is crucial that you advocate for your son. His education must become a priority!

Finally, you and your son need to understand the seriousness of his offense. Bringing a weapon of any kind to school is serious in light of the numerous incidents which have been happening in and around schools.

Thanks, for visiting the Dare To Be King web site!